Harnessing Your Demons

Harnessing Your Demons:
Making Your Demons Work for You instead of Against You – Part I

We all have demons and will never be able to get rid of them completely, nor should we want to.

Our demons, our negative emotions and thoughts, have useful, important functions. We could not survive without them. Just as physical pain tells us that some body part needs attention, care, or treatment, mental pain shows that some aspect of our life or mental health needs attention, care, or treatment. Without these pains, how would we know where to look? How would we be pushed enough to deal with issues we would probably rather avoid? Learning to correctly interpret and respond to mental or emotional pain messages and not just suffer their effects is the best way to prevent further pain. Ignoring these messages usually guarantees that the pain will become worse.

Experiencing the pain caused by any demon helps us spot areas where we or something in our lives needs to change to prevent problems. Worry that doesn’t lead to insight, conclusions, or actions is worthless. Worries about problems over which you have no possible control (Will an asteroid hit the Earth? Are there aliens out there? {unless you work for NASA J}) or potential action are the most worthless. Harnessing your demons, that is, putting them to work doing what they should do, makes living with them beneficial instead of just painful.

Harnessing your demons also matters because they can be a source of enormous energy, that can give you great resourcefulness, power, and drive when correctly applied. Left to do whatever they want, demons erode all that is good and beautiful in life, but when put to work on constructive activity, no other energy source comes close. (Think about it: the Pyramids in Egypt were the harnessed work of the fear demon – the ancient Egyptians were afraid of death – so they built an enormous ritual around it that included these great monuments. Many art works have similar roots – the quest for immortality.)

Put your demons to work doing what they should do instead of making you crazy.
This is a matter of figuring out what each one’s proper work should be, then insisting that they do it.
Despite their importance in keeping us safe and potentially propelling us to do great things, we always must remember that the fundamental characteristic of all demons is lying. It doesn't mean that any given demon is evil, simply that objective reality has no emotions and when reality is filtered through any emotion, it is necessarily distorted. This distortion makes seeing reality impossible. We would have to clear all emotions from our minds to perceive the reality of the world and others around us, a task that is difficult (and as many philosophers would say, impossible) for even the most enlightened mystics on the planet. As a result, we are inevitably confused and deluded when trying to figure out ourselves, others, or the world around us. The more intense or long-standing our emotions or those of others, the deeper that confusion and delusion is likely to be.

Our demons are inadequate for determining reality because each one has only its own perceptions and not the blended whole of all aspects of our being for forming impressions. Since each demon only looks through a narrow spectrum of reality and little means of correcting a wrong impression, the longer the focus remains on a tiny sliver of reality, the more off-base these demons and their perceptions become. Unfortunately, the longer that individuals hold onto faulty perceptions, beliefs, and emotions, the more locked into them they tend to become.

How can the problem of faulty or missing inputs from any demon be corrected? Other demons or aspects of your personality and perceptions need to participate in evaluating situations, providing input, and making decisions. We are all split personalities in many ways – by making use of that reality we can be stronger, more functional, and effective than would be possible without blending the inputs of many sides of our being.

As an example, worry can be one of the most debilitating and life-sucking forces there is when it centers on things that are not real or not under your control. However, it can also be a dynamo that ensures that all the little details and big picture of any large project are kept moving along to support accomplishing massive goals.

To re-route our demons to their most appropriate work, we must first become aware of which ones are active, what they are trying to do, whether that is a good idea or not, and what they SHOULD be doing. Brushing them off without receiving their message is a mistake – this risks letting a dangerous situation fester, undermines the ability to hear and understand your intuition (those ultra-tiny messages that trigger emotions while alerting us to some situation around us), and trains you to be less aware of and attuned to your body and feelings.
Putting your emotions in charge (i.e., “I feel terrible – I’m going to go have a drink {or acquire that item you don’t need, eat a cupcake, or go act wild and crazy}”, “I don’t deserve to have nice things”, “I’m mad at him so I will give him a piece of my mind.”) will pretty much always be a mistake. None of these actions can or ever will solve your problems or make you stronger or wiser, but they all make you feel worse about yourself. Emotions are the pits as decision-makers – because their input is inevitably skewed, they can’t ever get it right. But ignoring their input is not wise either.

There are three issues with understanding the messages of your demons:

perceive that there is a message
correctly interpret the message and its meaning
identify the correct action to resolve the issue the demon is pointing out (this component is usually specific to the message so will be addressed next month)

Perceiving our demon’s message requires tuning in to those itty-tiny nudges, stresses, down feelings, worries, etc., preferably WHILE THEY ARE STILL TINY. Just because the feeling that you need to do something is small does not mean you should ignore it. If you pay attention to it while it is small, it won’t have a chance to grow into a monster that eats your life. In my experience, two things help with tuning into those little messages: meditation and writing. Meditation quiets and calms our entire being so that those tiny messages can be heard more easily, and writing helps us understand what they mean.

Learning to correctly interpret and respond to emotional pain messages requires:

time – self-study, depending upon how much experience you have in this area, could require a good bit of time, especially at first
effort – digging through your own thoughts takes learning and sometimes (often?) strenuous effort; this effort may entail reading self-help or other books, a great deal of writing, talking with helpful people

thought – every negative thought, belief, or emotion needs to be studied, evaluated, and refuted by some method
sacrifice – there are more entertaining activities you might prefer, but not need as much

Regardless of the time, effort, or sacrifice required, what could be more interesting or worthwhile than work that leads to improved mental health, peace of mind, and quality of life? The other things you want to do will still be there when you finish your campaign of demon conquest – you’ll just do them with a lighter heart.

The message of repetitive negative thoughts and emotions must be understood to make some area (or all of it) of life better. Before considering the specific messages of particular demons, let’s look at general messages that could be indicated by any negative thought or emotion. Knowing the general possibilities of any message aids in figuring out the most appropriate strategies for managing or harnessing the specific demon that is bedeviling you. In general, pain means that change is essential. The challenge is to figure out whether you need internal or external change.

There are many potential messages contained in any mental pain experience:
1. a situation, a habitual way of thinking or behaving no longer serves us and needs to change
Few situations, habits or behaviors are beneficial for our entire lives. The first sign that change is due or overdue is often increased mental pain. The more readily we accept the need for change and start to work on it, the sooner we will quiet our demons. Change is the most fundamental characteristic of all existence and accepting that reality and necessity is essential for peace of mind.

a relationship needs to change

We change and grow throughout life and hopefully our relationships do so as well, but when they don’t, the result may be steadily increasing emotional pain for one or both parties. Frequent or common emotional distress in a relationship is often an indicator that change is essential to prevent being held back by a relationship that isn’t working. The change needed may be improving communication, changing agreements or expectations regarding how the relationship works, or ending the relationship, but some change will be essential.

we need to learn more emotional control or management

Sometimes the message from emotional pain is only that our demons have had a free hand for a long time (as shown by having the same emotionally-derived thought over and over), they like attention and being in charge, and they want to continue being in charge. Some signposts showing whether your demon only wants to be in charge with no beneficial potential is the subject of your repeated thoughts or emotions is one that has no use in the present (i.e., you are only going over the same old ground over and over and nothing does or can change).
Gaining control over our emotions and thoughts is a life-long process for most of us – just becoming aware of them and realizing that they generally do not act in our best interests is a major milestone. Realizing that they are not necessarily connected to reality is another huge step. Taking action to gain control will be a monumental effort – and monumentally difficult – but oh, so worth it because then you will be free of these monsters.

we need to build a skill

The need to increase communications skills, such as giving supportive or critical but constructive feedback, fair fighting, negotiations, or self-assertion, especially regarding difficult issues in a charged setting is often indicated by inter-personal difficulties with others, especially those closest to us.

more time or effort is needed for self-care

Most of us need to put much more time into taking care of ourselves. Bodies, like cars or any other machine, cannot maintain themselves without a good bit of help. When our bodies’ needs are not being met, our demons (most of which are actually tied to the body and not the mind as most people believe) tend to run amok. Meditation, exercise, and self-massage need to be daily disciplines to prevent unnecessary pain of many kinds.

we need to recruit or accept help

The best way to banish demons is often to talk about them with a caring, insightful person, whether that is a friend, family member, or therapist.

some soul searching is needed

Truly, this is best done in writing. The idea is not beat up on yourself on paper but to see mental quirks, habits, beliefs, and feelings that disserve you. Writing down the stuff that bubbles out of our minds is the fastest, easiest way to see through the nonsense our demons spout. Writing gives us a tiny bit of distance, enough to see that our demon-inspired thoughts are ridiculous, a true and great gift.

we need to evaluate the motives or actions of someone around us

Gavin De Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, helps us to see when we should be concerned about the motives or actions of another person and how to respond appropriately. Also, sometimes (often?) it’s our motives that need evaluation.

our priorities, dreams, goals, or life-plans need evaluation

The first sign that some major aspect of the path we are on needs re-evaluation is often a spreading distress, perhaps accompanied by seemingly everything falling apart. Heeding this message can prevent a lot of grief.

our self-talk needs attention to combat negative messages

People often constantly repeat negative messages in their minds. This rumination often has no other message than that it is a habit that urgently needs to change for happiness to become possible. There is rarely a benefit to negative self-talk: if something needs to change, then create a plan for gradual change in slow, steady, TINY increments (the only kind of personal change that ever really works) that you can build on over time. Beating yourself up does not cause change – it makes change less possible.

Next month we will examine specific demons, the messages they carry, and how to deal with them. At the moment, the demons I’m planning to cover will be
- Worry, Anxiety, Sense of Foreboding, Fear
- Anger
- Depression
- Grief
- Perfectionism
- Stress

TRANSFORMING DEMONS EXERCISE

In “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban”, the students learn to overcome their fears by imagining the thing they fear most taking on outlandish and ridiculous forms. Ron imagined the spiders he feared trying to chase him on roller skates and falling flat on their faces; Neville imagined hostile Professor Snape wearing his grandmother’s hat and clothes. The ensuing laughter then banishes the demon. Using the same principle, visualize the fears or other emotions that keep you stressed in the form of a demon and give the demon a humorous twist.

Name Your Demon _____________________________________________________________

Description ___________________________________________________________________

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Transform your demon with laughter _______________________________________________

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Transform your demon by channeling its energy ______________________________________